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Courage, Even When You’re Scared

I get told so often that I live life with courage, and for the longest time, I fought that idea as I never saw myself as courageous. That hasn’t changed to a large degree, but I accept your choice of words now.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

- Nelson Mandela

I am living a life without fear, no I fact some days, life scares me so much I am almost paralyzed with fear. I feel if I start crying, I will never stop as my feelings run so deep.

Life is like a clock; both must we go forward. We know there was a time in the past, but we cannot go back, and for some things personally, I wouldn’t want to go back.

I have made so many mistakes in life and many of them with an absence of fear. That’s not courage; that feels like being irresponsible.

You see, to live by the grandiose gestures that my ego was honed to exist by was to live irresponsibly.

I had no time for details; someone always took care of them.

At this time in my life, everything catches up, and you pay the price.

Travelling has allowed the world to see me. Not who I was! Not who my ego constructed through leadership roles and awards! Not through a lifestyle!

This past week I completed my application process to reclaim my British Citizenship. Now it’s in process. One benefit I get from re-securing my citizenship is the ability to secure work.

I am finding and reinventing myself along the way. As I discover a truth about myself, assessing if it needs to be kept or released back to the universe.

I still struggle to accept that everyone I encounter sees something that I don’t see in myself. I can’t even tell you what it is, nor has anyone when I question them been able to tell me. As the French say, I have that certain “je ne sais quoi,” or for my English readers, ‘I don’t know” kind of aura about me.

But that is the old me, isn’t it? I was hoping you could give me the list of attributes I should keep. I won’t do the work for the detail if I can get that summary list. That’s not how it works, and I have to do the work, intense work, excruciating work, create that list and get to know me. When you get to know yourself, you have the good, the bad, and downright ugly parts of yourself.

That’s how I know I have lived irresponsibly!

Along the way, and it continues becoming clear to this day, I have found some things I am certain about; I am not sure that’s being courageous but living honestly.

I am sure of the global mission of acceptance that is to be shared.

I am sure of being blessed by the spirit to be the vessel carrying that message.

I am sure that the road ahead will get harder before it gets easier.

I am sure that leading is a difficult calling to be fulfilled.

I am sure of the depth of knowledge to share with coaching clients.

I am sure that the easier days will come when the universe deems it appropriate.

Learning to be so sure of these aspects while being so unsure about so many other things becomes even more humbling and keeps my ego in check as I travel this journey.

I am called to serve, so through these posts and the work I do, How can I serve you?

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because, without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.” Maya Angelou

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