top of page
Writer's pictureCynthia Fortlage

The Silent Epidemic: How Toxic Masculinity Leaves Men Lonely in Later Life



Many men are taught to embody ideals of strength, self-reliance, and emotional restraint growing up. While these characteristics are celebrated in certain contexts, they can become barriers to connection, especially in retirement. As careers fade and families grow, some men find themselves adrift, realising too late that the friendships they neglected along the way could have been lifelines in later life.


Recent studies reveal the surprising health risks associated with loneliness in older men. Loneliness not only impacts emotional health but also physical well-being, comparable in severity to the effects of smoking or obesity. Could it be that our society’s version of masculinity is leaving men isolated and vulnerable just when they need connection the most?


The Price of Traditional Masculinity on Male Friendships

For many men, societal expectations have long emphasised stoicism and independence. Research shows that these ideals actively discourage emotional sharing among male friends, setting up barriers to creating lasting, supportive relationships​ (Psychology Today). For instance, the Harvard Study of Adult Development observed that men with strong social networks in their later years reported greater life satisfaction and significant physical health benefits.


However, toxic masculinity – which equates vulnerability with weakness – discourages men from confiding in one another. The result? A staggering percentage of men report feeling unsupported by friends. In Australia, over 80% of men felt unable to turn to their friends for personal support, demonstrating widespread emotional isolation among older men​ (MiNDFOOD). This avoidance of emotional expression fosters a culture where men may maintain “surface friendships” through shared activities but struggle to connect more deeply.


Health Risks Tied to Loneliness

Loneliness has a measurable impact on health. The absence of close friendships has been linked to conditions ranging from cardiovascular disease to depression and suicide. Studies equate the health risks of loneliness with those of smoking 15 cigarettes a day – a sobering thought when we consider how common this issue is among older men​(MSUToday | Michigan State University).


Psychologically, men who lack support networks experience heightened levels of depression and anxiety. Additionally, male loneliness plays a significant role in the high rates of suicide among older men, underscoring how critical friendship is to mental health. Encouraging men to foster meaningful relationships is not simply a nice-to-have but a necessity for long-term health and well-being.


Perhaps it’s time to redefine what strength means. Genuine strength may lie in stoicism and the willingness to be open, vulnerable, and connected. Research increasingly suggests that men who embrace emotional literacy and mutual support benefit significantly in terms of happiness and longevity—embracing friendships where vulnerability is acceptable challenges toxic masculinity and enriches men’s lives in meaningful ways​(Psychology Today).


Steps to Building Lasting Friendships in Later Life

Encouraging men to reach out and build supportive friendships doesn’t mean asking them to become someone they’re not. Here are some straightforward ways men can foster meaningful connections:


  1. Start Small with One-on-One Conversations: For many, deepening friendships begins with small steps. Suggest meeting a friend for coffee or a walk, allowing time for conversation in a relaxed setting.


  2. Be Willing to Share: Taking the first step in discussing personal matters can encourage a friend to open up. Avoid the typical “emotional chicken” pattern where each person waits for the other to share first.


  3. Join Communities That Encourage Bonding: Community groups focused on activities or discussions provide excellent opportunities for men to form friendships without the pressure of traditionally masculine expectations. Groups like Men’s Sheds focused on projects and shared hobbies create natural space for friendship to flourish.


  4. Reject Teasing as a Defence Mechanism: Men sometimes deflect emotional moments with humour or teasing. Recognising this pattern allows for a more authentic connection.


As society’s understanding of masculinity evolves, so can men’s experiences of friendship, belonging, and support in their later years. A connected man does not avoid vulnerability but embraces it, understanding that real strength lies in mutual support and emotional resilience. By redefining these societal expectations, we can help men live longer, healthier, and more fulfilling lives.


In my work, I support organisations in developing inclusive environments that consider all employees' unique challenges, including men. A vital aspect of this is creating safe spaces, such as Men’s Employee Resource Groups (ERGs), where men can openly share, support each other, and challenge restrictive norms in a setting designed for growth and camaraderie. When organisations prioritise safe spaces for men, they empower employees to cultivate meaningful connections, reducing isolation and improving overall well-being.


Feel free to contact me to learn more about creating inclusive policies or establishing a Men’s ERG. Together, we can build workplaces that foster acceptance, connection, and support for everyone.

5 views
bottom of page