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The Difference Between Fear and Acceptance: How Straight and Transgender Women Find Safety

I've been talking to cisgender, straight women about why they choose queer clubs for their hen do's or stagettes, and it got me thinking about the similarities with trans women using women's bathrooms in public spaces. The common thread here is safety – a sense of security that these spaces offer, and that is often lacking outside of them.

I've known that safety is complex, and many factors contribute to our sense of safety. I've also known that being open-minded and challenging our assumptions is essential. I'm grateful for the opportunity to have these conversations, and I'm committed to doing my part to create a more inclusive and welcoming world for everyone.


Recently, we've witnessed intense debates surrounding LGBTQ+ rights and gender inclusivity, particularly regarding transgender individuals using public restrooms. Interestingly, another phenomenon has emerged: straight women, especially during hen do's or stagettes, willingly stepping into LGBTQ+ clubs and feeling at ease using the bathrooms alongside transgender women and drag queens.

This article delves into this apparent contradiction, exploring the shared concerns about safety while addressing the underlying factors that shape different perspectives.

Hen Do's in LGBTQ+ Clubs: A Celebration of Inclusivity

Hen do's, or stagettes as they are sometimes called, traditionally involve a night out with close friends to celebrate a bride-to-be before her wedding. Nowadays, an increasing number of groups of straight women are choosing to hold these celebrations at LGBTQ+ clubs. They are drawn to the vibrant atmosphere, diverse entertainment, and, most importantly, the inclusivity and safety these spaces provide. These women embrace and immerse themselves willingly in environments where gender and sexual diversity flourish, relishing in the unique energy and camaraderie.

Transgender Bathroom Access: The Fight for Inclusion

Concurrently, a contentious public debate rages on regarding the use of public restrooms by transgender individuals. Advocates argue that everyone should have the right to use facilities that align with their gender identity, while opponents express concerns about privacy, safety, and potential abuse. Interestingly, some straight women have opposed transgender women using women's restrooms in public spaces, often citing these same safety concerns. However, it is essential to note that there is no data supporting this position. Studies have shown that transgender women are more likely to be victims of violence rather than perpetrators.

Safety as the Common Denominator

If safety concerns are paramount, why do straight women feel comfortable sharing bathrooms with transgender women and drag queens in LGBTQ+ clubs while expressing apprehension in public spaces? A study conducted by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs found that LGBTQ+ women are more likely to experience violence (1 in 3) compared to heterosexual women (1 in 4). The study also revealed that LGBTQ+ individuals are more prone to becoming victims (41%) of hate crimes.

This sheds light on why straight and transgender women share safety concerns. Straight women who visit LGBTQ+ clubs want to ensure they will be protected from harassment or violence, just as transgender women using women's bathrooms in public spaces want to be free from any attack or harassment.

LGBTQ+ Clubs as Sanctuaries

LGBTQ+ clubs are specifically designed as safe spaces where inclusivity, acceptance, and diversity are celebrated. These venues often have policies to foster a sense of security, ensuring everyone can enjoy their night without fear of discrimination or harassment. In this environment, straight women perceive safety, an assurance often lacking in straight clubs. By entering these spaces, they explicitly embrace and respect gender diversity.

Visibility and Empathy

In LGBTQ+ clubs, straight women are exposed to firsthand experiences of the challenges faced by transgender individuals and the significance of gender inclusivity. Interacting with transgender women and drag queens in a positive and accepting environment allows for the development of empathy and a broader understanding of diverse gender identities. This exposure plays a crucial role in bridging the gap between their experiences in the club and their perceptions of public spaces. Education and Awareness

To address the disparity in perspectives between LGBTQ+ clubs and public spaces, it is essential to promote education and awareness. Straight women who feel safe in LGBTQ+ club environments should be encouraged to extend that empathy and acceptance to transgender individuals in all settings. Similarly, transgender rights advocacy should focus on providing information about gender identity and dispelling myths and misconceptions, contributing to a more inclusive society.


The apparent contradiction between straight women feeling safe in LGBTQ+ club bathrooms with transgender women and drag queens while expressing concerns about transgender individuals in public restrooms can be attributed to each situation's unique dynamics and contexts. The perceived safety within LGBTQ+ clubs stems from their designation as safe spaces and the presence of trusted LGBTQ+ friends.

It is crucial to remember that transgender women are women. They deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, just like any other woman. Let us not allow fear and prejudice to dictate our treatment of transgender people.

Furthermore, it is crucial to understand that transgender women do not pose a threat to cisgender women. They want to live their lives peacefully. We all are responsible for creating a more inclusive and welcoming environment for everyone, regardless of gender identity.

By fostering education, empathy, and awareness, we can bridge the gap between these two perspectives and work towards a society that prioritizes inclusivity, understanding, and the safety of all individuals.

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