Have you ever really listened to folks when they talk?
Most folks, not all, regularly apologize when they speak of feelings or emotions.
I find it more common that women apologize more so than men.
Have you ever wondered why that is?
Socialization of women includes making them feel that they need to apologize for being and having thoughts and feelings. Men grow up believing that feelings and emotions are a weakness. Of course, these are generalizations but undoubtedly true from my own lived experiences.
If you ask me what sort of man I would want to be with, I will tell you that a kind and sensitive guy in sync with me as much as he is in touch with himself. But the bad boys still have an odd appeal when you’re not looking for that kind and sensitive guy.
This kind fellow would be called a beta male versus an alpha male in an alpha male society’s hierarchy, a term meant to demean them even further. The truth is that they are more complete people than the super-macho alpha males who tend to be lopsided in their personality.
Back to Apologizing
This idea that feelings and emotions make us weak versus complete I find flawed.
As you may have read in other pieces I have published, I #coach to the four aspects of self. Two elements of a healthy self are cognitive health and emotional health. The other two are physical and spiritual.
When dealing with feelings and emotions, we are addressing those two aspects of a healthy self. To avoid them or suppress them as many alpha males do due to socialization misses developing half of your whole self.
We have feelings and emotions right from birth; we cannot communicate, so we have rudimentary crying and cooing systems, amongst other gestures that help us communicate in a non-verbal manner. That means that those are baseline skills we are born with to draw attention to an emotion or feeling. How can a gift we are born with be wrong?
How we treat the idea of having a feeling or emotion in society today is counter to how we are born.
So, here are a few ways for you to use acceptance with feelings and emotions;
Listen and accept your feelings and emotions, they are yours and valid, nothing you have to apologize for having.
When they apologize, listen to others and permit them to express those feelings and emotions through acceptance.
Men, I challenge you to listen to the women in your life. When you hear them apologize for a feeling or emotion, support them by accepting that moment and experience, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Your comfort comes from learning to hear and process feelings and emotions, not deny them.
When you accept, you need to ensure you do not draw unnecessary attention to their feelings, making them feel inadequate for apologizing in turn.
Practise makes perfect; practice expressing your feelings and emotions and learning to accept how you respond without judgement.
Let me know if you need help with taping into and expressing your feelings and emotions.
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With Love N Hugs