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  • Cynthia Fortlage

Acceptance without Understanding™ - Loss of a Loved One


I originally came up with the idea of acceptance without understanding as a way to help myself and others deal with my gender transition.


I had love in my life, I failed to have the acceptance to go with that love. That lead to the ultimate demise of my marital relationship after 30 yrs of what was otherwise considered an ideal relationship to be modelled.


I carry many, many, many happy memories of those years. I also understand why there wasn't acceptance, and I found my way to move forward, I always hope that they find their way forward.


But the power of acceptance without understanding™ came to me boldly last year when I was in a post-surgical state in Los Angles.


You see historically, talking about the passing of loved one was a tough thing for me, even to send my condolences was a very tough effort.


While I lay recovering, a dear friend wanted to send me a hug from Morocco, in short, that wish brought amazing people into my life to deliver that hug in person.

One of the people it brought into my life had just the month before lost a beloved ex-spouse, father to her children.


It was in hearing her story that I won't go into detail for sake of her privacy, that I was able to use acceptance without understanding to not talk about my transition, that I was recovering from which is why she was visiting me a complete stranger from another country, but instead to see the passing of this person who was dear to her and the reasons behind their passing not as her fault or lack of effort, but as choices made by that person that lead to their passing. In order for her to start to process this loss which she was grieving, acceptance without understanding gave her a tool by which she could start to process the loss.


Equally strangely for me was this conversation was natural. No more uncomfortable feelings discussing such a difficult and personal topic. I knew at that time I was a changed person and acceptance without understanding ™ was a tool that needed to be shared with as many people that needed help dealing with other people and situations in life.


That's why I create these posts and share these insights as a way to help you learn what I have learnt as a powerful way to approach people, especially when it comes to diversity equity and inclusion related topics.


Have you found a way to use acceptance without understanding™ in your life?


Con Amor Y Abrazos de Colombia, Cynthia

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